Top Ten: Classics I’m Embarrassed Not to Have Seen
Confessions alert! This is an incriminating list with no spoilers. This is me confessing my ignorance to the world. This is me throwing my credibility on the ground. This is dangerous. These are the top ten movie classics I’m embarrassed not to have seen (in no particular order). Feel free to laugh at my expense.
Living in Iceland you go see a lot of Danish films, it’s part of the culture. Everyone, and I mean everyone, saw Festen. It was the hottest thing since sliced bread. Dogma was cooler than post-modernism and everyone wanted to have made Festen. It even made its way to the stage attracting a huge audience in one of the most acclaimed productions of its time in the National Theatre. But I didn’t go and I didn’t see it. I’ve read the script. It’s not as shocking as I thought. What was all the fuss about? I guess I’ll have to see it to find out, huh?
9. Sunset Blvd.
I’ve driven down Sunset Blvd. I knew that doing so was supposed to hold a deeper meaning for me, and I noted it when I saw the sign, but I have no clue what the significance should have been, because I haven’t seen this movie. I know it has a dramatic poster and that it is number 32 in IMDb‘s 250 most highly ranked movies, if that counts for something. It’s about a movie star, right?
Don’t tell my ex but I have never seen his all-time favorite: Dr. Strangelove. The poster’s all weird, the title doesn’t give you any info on the plot (does it?) and quite frankly I’ve always been too embarrassed to ask, even too embarrassed to google the damn thing. But now the world knows (and I’ve googled it). It seems like it would be funny though. I mean, it’s hilarious (is what I would say if you asked me at a party).
Probably the most quoted war movie of all time. Try watching Tropic Thunder and erasing your knowledge of this film, Full Metal Jacket (that one I’ve seen) and Platoon (no, I haven’t seen Platoon either, just shoot me). No wonder I didn’t find it particularly funny. I really want to see this one, but getting someone to see it with you without revealing that you are still in the dark about this acclaimed movie masterpiece is a bit tough. I could have seen it on my own? Shut up.
6. The Exorcist
I’m not into horror films but the ones I’ve seen all seem to draw on The Exorcist. Or so I’ve been told. So there’s a girl in a bed and her head turns 360 degrees and she’s very good at projectile vomiting. Is there more to know? Is there more to Psycho than the shower scene? Yes. So I probably should try to sit through this one, huh?
5. The Shining
I feel like I have already seen The Shining, though really I haven’t. It’s hard not to stumble upon bits of it (they are scattered all over the place, what’s the deal with the twins?) and quite frankly I think that by now it would probably just disappoint me to see it (that’s my excuse anyway). I still should and I should be very ashamed not to have seen it? I know, I know. But it looks like it’s really scary…
To be fair, has anyone really seen this film? Sure, its title is made into a joke in Sex and the City 2 (sadly, I have seen that one), like everyone should know it, but do they? Please tell me no. I think you’re all faking it. You probably caught it on some random channel, tried watching it and fell asleep, but go around telling everyone how great it is. You don’t? That’s what I do anyway if I haven’t seen some epic movie. Shoot, probably shouldn’t tell people that.
How is it that everyone in the entire universe has seen this movie and I haven’t? You weren’t all alive when it came out. You don’t all love monster movies. But you’ve all seen Jaws? To be fair I’ve probably seen the best bits in other movies, Mythbusters and other programmes, and I know the theme song by heart. Do I have to see it then? Yeah, you’re right.
2. Annie Hall
I go around telling people I don’t really like Woody Allen but that’s a lie. I just haven’t seen most of his important work. My step-grand-parents have the poster for Annie Hall in their home, so don’t tell them I haven’t seen it, I will lose all credibility. I know that the way Diane Keaton is dressed changed the way a lot of women dress and is still an inspiration for designers. But the slogan: a nervous romance doesn’t really reel you in. Sounds like Allen and Keaton are just being awkward – I’ve seen that a hundred times!
To my generation, telling people you haven’t seen Trainspotting is like telling another generation you haven’t seen The Godfather (I have, don’t worry). There’s a solid reason (somewhat) I didn’t see Trainspotting when it came out in 1996. I was 11. The reason I haven’t seen it since is also simple. My mother. My mom told me never to see it, it was filthy and disgusting. So I haven’t. Which is weird, because I’m really into the British in-yer-face scene and what I’ve seen from it fascinates me. But mother knows best. So mom: can I please see it now? Please? People are laughing at me.
Do you have something to confess?