Top Ten: James Bond Henchmen
Bonds have changed; Sean Connery to those guys in the middle and finally arriving at Daniel Craig. Though his face has morphed and his talent has fluctuated, one thing has remained the same; a henchmen at the villains side to foil Bond’s mission to save the world. While other cinematic henchmen kill for their boss using cars, guns, knives, (you know, typical bad guy weapons) what makes Bond henchmen so special is the unique weaponry. We’re talking metal teeth, razor sharp hats and the deadliest legs known to man. Sure not all Bond henchman get the fortunate pleasure of wielding some of the most bizarre weapons imaginable. But still that only makes half the character. From their look to their talk, Bond henchmen don’t hold back. So whichever face Bond wears, expect him to be tested and you entertained. And as we wait for Skyfall to open to the public and the latest henchman revealed, lets us take a moment to honor the previously fallen with Top Ten: James Bond Henchmen.
10. Three Blind Mice (Dr. No):
These three fellas were almost required to make the list simply because they are the pioneers of the henchman. Appearing in the first bond movie ever, the Three Blind Mice pose as blind beggars to avoid detection and suspicion. They never really amount to much of a threat for Bond and their one claim to fame was the death of John Strangways. Eventually they are dispatched when Bond uses some fancy maneuvers, causing their car to skid off the road and down a ravine.
Boss: Dr. Julius No
Defining dialogue: “God bless you master.” After Strangways gives them some money.
9. Baron Samedi (Live And Let Die):
Baron makes the cut simply due to his very intimidating look and maniacal laugh, (but really that was all he had going for him). Well, I guess we can count getting thrown into a coffin full of poisonous snakes, and resurrecting from death, only to get killed again right away as something.
Boss: Mr. Big
Defining dialogue: “Hello there, and it’s a beauuuuuutiful morning.”
8. Mr Wint/ Mr Kidd (Diamonds Are Forever):
How can I put it. These guy are just so damn weird. From their mild, disarming manners to Mr Wint’s unsavory pedo look (long balding hair and mustache, large glasses and trench coat) this pair are unsettling to say the least. But don’t be fooled. Though they are often seen standing together, arms linked, they are very much sadistic killers, with varied methods including: poisoned scorpions, radio controlled bombs and good old fashioned live burials all feature in their repertoire. Now if that doesn’t make you the most eclectic assassin, I don’t know what will.
Defining dialogue: “I must say Miss Case seems quite attractive… for a lady.”
7. May Day (A View To A Kill):
Probably the best thing this Bond movie has going for it (not saying a lot), Mayday has quite the distinctive look and is a menace for most of the movie. Not to mention, she might be one of Bond’s creepiest hook-ups.
Boss: Max Zorin
Defining dialogue: “This won’t be necessary. Some will take care of you.”
6. Xenia zaragevna Onatopp (GoldenEye):
Taking orgasmic pleasure in murdering others, Xenia is a deadly assassin who is highly adept at killing. Her weapon of choice crushing her enemy’s chests and lungs between her tightly toned thighs whilst making love. Well, if there’s ever a way to go…
Boss: Alec Trevelyan
Defining dialogue: “This time, Mister Bond, the pleasure will be all mine..”
5. Zao (Die Another Day):
Zao is one of the most memorable villains for his appearance alone. This icy fellow had diamonds imbedded in his face. He attempts to execute Bond in Korea, and drives a Jaguar XKR, while chasing him across a flat plain in Iceland. Bond brings Zao to his inevitable end by shooting a chandelier that falls and impales him.
Boss: Gustav Graves
Defining dialogue: Bond: “Your time will come.” Zao: “Not as soon as yours.”
4. Red Grant (From Russia With Love):
Deadly, devious, and completely homicidal, Grant makes quick work of several Bond allies including Bond’s ally Ali Kerim Bey and contact Nash. Grant is one of the few henchmen I’m willing to say is Bond’s equal. His fight scene with Bond is epic, but is finished off ironically with his own garrote.
Boss: Rosa Klebb
Defining dialogue: “You may know the right wines but you’re the one on your knees.”
3. Nick Nack (The Man With The Golden Gun):
The inspiration behind Mini-Me in the Austin Powers films, Nick Nack’s cheeky attitude added a lot of humor to the film, and he worked surprisingly well alongside Christopher Lee. From a mini-gun and peanuts, to suitcases and bottles of wine, there is no shortage of entertainment with Nick Nack around. Nick might be the one henchman you didn’t want to see leave, but alas Bond locks him in a luggage case and puts him in a cage on the sails of Scaramanga’s yacht.
Boss: Francisco Scaramanga
Defining dialogue: “I may be small but I never forget!”
This classic villain has been parodied many times, and appeared in two movies. He is a 7 foot 2 invincible killing machine who can bite through metal. Bond defeats him time and time again, but is never able kill him. Eventually Jaws falls in love and floats out into space with his diminutive love interest.
Boss: Karl Stromberg, Hugo Drax.
Defining dialogue: (to Dolly) “Well, here’s to us!”
1. Oddjob (Goldfinger):
This villain and henchman of Goldfinger possesses supernatural strength, eats cats, and kills people with his sharp hat. He tries to kill Bond through your basic ass-kicking along with his razor sharp bowler hat of course. However Oddjob exits through electrocution via Bonds intelligence.
Boss: Auric Goldfinger
Defining dialogue: Nothing, he’s mute